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Coitus.


From the sublime moment of penetration to the intense pleasure of orgasm, good sex is one of the greatest aspects of being human. Being naked together is a timeless joy, and in the joining together of man and woman, both can find healing and a celebration of being alive. Of course it's not always that wonderful, but even just plain good sex can be a whole lot of fun.

Yin and Yang.

Good sex comes in yin and yang aspects. First there is passionate, fiery, yang-style fucking, which is full of moaning and thrusting and (usually male) orgasm. This style has much to offer in tems of relieving stress, as living in our overly orderly society sometimes necessitates a therapeutic loss of control. Many older instincts, especially the need to express power, can find a harmless and extremely fun expression through yang-style sex. Perhaps these instincts explain why yang sex is the favorite of aggressive men, and the volume of aggressive men in our society may explain why yang sex, and the minority of women who prefer it, seem to be so culturally sought-after. One problem with yang sex is that the sexual journey tends to be ignored in favor of the destination; foreplay is seen as a means to penetration, and intercourse is seen as a means to orgasm. The subtler pleasures and possibilities of sex, whether they be physical, emotional or spiritual, are therefore not always enjoyed. A more significant problem is that yang sex can accelerate too quickly for women, who respond more slowly than men, and the man may be finished before she begins. On the plus side, yang sex is great for relieving tension and stress, it's fast enough for lovers under time constraints, and it expresses primal passions that are psychologically unhealthy when repressed.

Yin sex is slow and relaxed and sensual, full of kisses and caresses and soft sighs of pleasure. While yang sex builds quickly towards an exhilarating climax, yin sex takes time to slowly enjoy every touch of the lover's body, with no future goal in mind. When yin is done well a sort of hypnosis sets in, a form of meditation, and every kiss and touch reveals its hidden depth and its full potential. Yin is as much sensual as sexual, and kissing and touching can go on for a long time before penetration and equally long thereafter. The slow pace encourages experimentation and discovery of new pleasures. Yin sex is beloved by many women, who enjoy the slow seduction and full-body tingling that good yin sex can bring. A man who is patient and mindful enough to engage in good yin sex will certainly be appreciated by the woman, and amazed by the new pleasures he discovers with her.

Generally men prefer yang and women prefer yin, but really good lovers have appreciation and skill for both. When a man learns to be yin, he learns to please a woman on her terms, and he also learns to relax and spread arousal throughout his whole body, thus making his orgasm more voluntary. When a woman learns to be yang, she is able to greatly excite a man, and she also learns to let go and concentrate arousal between her legs, thus making her orgasm more voluntary. The best sex builds from yin to yang, combining sensuality and passion, relaxation and excitement... and when both lovers are up for all of the above, a fantastic sex life is all but inevitable. A lot can be gained by meeting one's lover halfway.

Various Positions.

In a less philosophical sense, there are plenty of ways to meet one's lover. The following set of twenty-eight positions can be done in sequence, but it should go without saying that you're better off trusting your intuition. Have fun trying new positions, exploring the variations, and taking time to really enjoy your favorites. Pause your mouse over a photo for more detailed techniques and notes.

for example: he can thrust in a hundred different ways, and they can kiss freely... she can spread her legs wide, or wrap them around him, or keep them together for a rewarding challenge... he can rest his weight on his elbows, his extended arms, or her body... they can try the coital alignment technique... she can move her hips to the edge of the bed, have him kneel or stand before her and thrust, and thus be free to massage her clitoris... and if he gets too excited, they're just two feet away from cunnilingus.

side entry positions like this one seem to be less stimulating for the penis, and that'll help him last longer... also try, with her on the edge of the bed and him kneeling on the floor, turning her straight legs from side to side.

instead of just thrusting, he can lift up her hips and move her around his cock; she'll love how strong and assertive this is in any position.  He can lean back and forth rhythmically while holding her legs... she can touch herself or use a vibe... he can slip his fingers in with his lingam, and massage her g-spot or rub his own penis inside her... and he can suck her toes, which is something everyone should try.

an intimate embrace can take place here... this classic tantric position is great for sex meditation, works well on an armless chair, and can be used for double penetration if she likes that sort of thing.

like all athletic positions, this one moves blood and energy away from the penis, which helps him sustain some hard and fast yang-style fucking.  

deep kissing during sex creates an amazing energy circuit, from the lover's mouths to their more sexual parts... gentle tongue-sucking is even more amazing.  for a wonderful, hidden transition that I couldn't find a picture of, she straightens one leg behind her and brings it between his...  then he shifts his body from hers and settles into an upside-down scissors position, legs intertwined.  The result is a very good position: it's nearly impossible to slip out, all kinds of hip motions are possible, both his hands and one of hers are free, their mouths are close enough to kiss but far enough to make it an exciting challenge, and the eyegazing is amazing as well.

transitions can be very erotic events in themselves, and can lead to new discoveries... to keep him from slipping out, have her squeeze with her yoni or use either person's hand to hold his lingam inside.

she can also straighten her legs and lean forward, giving a nice tight fit, potential for leg massage and mutual toe-sucking, and perhaps a roll to man on top

a very penis-centred position; her closed legs make her pussy tighter, while his frenulum rubs her pubic bone.  He can stay on the verge a long time, if listening and relaxing is enough for her... if it's not, he can also give her a back rub, or place a vibe under her clit.

unlike this picture, i'd relax down on your side... the man can thrust quickly with side entry, or he can move closer to her, even on his back underneath her, to aim at her g-spot while she moves her hips.

another position with an enjoyable view... holding hands tightly is essential for leverage, and can be quite exciting.

If he's athletic enough, he can also assume a squat or long lunge position, and thrust down towards her g-spot... I'd say that qualifies as sexercise.

good for kisses and embraces and buttock massage...  

this beloved standing position is useful in the shower... she may need to stand on something if their heights are much different.  She can also lower her leg for a challenging, tight position that brings a whole new dimension to hugs between lovers.
man on top - missionary
the simplest of positions has many variations...



man on top - soaring dragons
of which this is the deepest.



man on top - half-prone
she turns her leg(s) to one side, or back & forth...



man on top - rise and thrust
she links her feet, he reaches down for her clit...



man on top - back down
and from here, he lifts her up...



woman on top - seesaw
and down, and up, and down, and up...



woman on top - yabyum
into the queen of all positions.



woman on top - the goddess
he lies back and lets her move...



woman on top - ab-rocker
then joins in and rocks her with crunches...



woman on top - reverse missionary
until she comes down to kiss him...





woman on top - shell pose
and brings her legs forward to let him thrust.



woman on top - squatting
she finds a great way to make him come...




woman on top - turning
and an exotic turning sensation...



woman on top - reverse yabyum
before she turns away from him...



woman on top - reverse cowgirl
for a whole new set of possibilities.


from behind - cry of the eagle
she leans back and lets him touch her,



from behind - the elephant
and they roll into a more active position...


from behind - spooning
to find a great way to make her come.


side entry - carraige
she rolls onto her back...


intertwined - scissors
and he fits his leg between hers.



intertwined - x-position
they lean back into the X...



intertwined - half-prone
he sits up and thrusts...



from behind - kneeling/all fours
she turns over into "doggie style"...



standing/kneeling - from behind
rises up to his height...



kneeling - from before
and kisses him as she turns around.




standing/kneeling - full support
he shows off his strength...




standing/kneeling - statues
she shows off her kindness...



laying down - missionary
and they return to the beginning.
here the man is firmly in control, and that can be exciting for both man and woman... but the depth of penetration can be uncomfortable for the woman if she's not well aroused.  In this and many other positions, slow-motion sex can be very hot: he slowly pulls all the way out, then equally slowly penetrates again, perhaps in synch with their breath.  They both clear their minds and feel every inch of the motion, every contour of each other's sexual parts... this is amazing right before orgasm, when the senses are at their peak.

this position gives the man an exciting view of the penetration, and also aims him straight at her g-spot.

trust is essential for many women to let go into pleasure... this fun move will help with that.

a favorite for both sexes... she can move back and forth, side to side, up and down, and in circles as she pleases... he can relax completely and last a long time, enjoying the glorious view, holding her hips, and massaging her breasts...  

this is a tight fit with lots of body contact, and rolling around can be fun. more interestingly, if she's ever wondered what sex feels like for him or vice versa, reversing such a strongly gender-identified position is the perfect way to pretend.  not only is this subversively sexy, but it also increases empathy for the partner and equality in the relationship, and these are subtle effects that lead to better sex.  woman on top can be reversed as well.

she can start slowly, teasingly, until he begins to thrust... then slide up and down and squeeze until he's done.  If this is too much work for her, she can hold the headboard, or he can place his palms under her sitbones to help, and trace her labia with moistened fingers while he's there...this can be done so the only part of their bodies touching are their genitals...

this one's good for touching her clit, using a vibe, or facing a full-length mirror... she can also swivel her hips in a way that he's bound to enjoy.

she uses a hand to hold him inside as she leans back.  although thrusting can be difficult, her can touch her all over and they can share kegels to keep him hard. this is the perfect position for using a vibrator, and his most sensitive part will be just under hers, so they'll both enjoy that... or he can simply massage her clit while she turns around to kiss him.

she can turn her head to kiss him, which feels incredible in this position... he can also kiss her nipple and either lover can massage her clit... it all adds up to fun for her.

this can be very passionate, as she pulls his hips towards hers and they kiss... it can also be calm, relaxed, and very long-lasting.  his thigh is well-positioned against her clitoris, and both can move freely; she can also raise her hips for one thrust and lower them for the next for an exciting rhythm.  As described in shell pose, this one is great upside down... and for an intimate experience, they can relax and sleep together this way.

some positions are better than others, but even the less interesting ones can be good for variety.

the ideal position for impromptu sex... he undoes his fly, she lifts up her skirt and pulls her panties aside, some saliva for lube, and there you have it

  although this is mostly a novelty, male strength is a turn-on if he doesn't have to struggle. place either lover's back against a wall for more support.

85% of couples use the missionary position exclusively; they could at least turn it sideways once in a while.

Voluntary Orgasm.

Perhaps the best part about sex is the sharing of orgasms. There's nothing like seeing your lover all naked and disheveled, lost in a tidal wave of pleasure... unless it's feeling your own body explode with passion as your lover takes you over the edge. Orgasm is as fun as it gets... and for most men, orgasm is easy enough to reach, sometimes a little too easy. For women, the pleasure tends to last longer, though orgasm can be more elusive and difficult to reach. The challenge for both lovers is to reverse these natural tendencies, so the woman can come more and more often, and the man can have sex without coming for a long time. The goal is to prolong his pleasure and intensify hers, so that both lovers can experience long-lasting and powerful pleasure, the ideal combination of yin and yang. The following box offers tips on voluntary orgasm for both women and men.


- Play Before. Both lovers should take their time with erotic play, making sure the woman is passionately aroused before sex begins. Kissing and touching will do a lot of good here, and needless to say, so will his mouth on her pussy.
- Do Kegels. Pelvic floor contractions will train the vulva to accept more blood and thus become more sensitive, making orgasm both more intense and more likely. Hard kegels are also a good way to trigger orgasm when it's close.
- Exercise. Cardiovascular workouts will help blood flow and increase general energy levels, and make the body more comfortable with the heart-pounding, muscle-tensing, physically intense state of orgasm. In general, any step toward better health is a step toward a more fulfilling sex life.
- Breathe well to give your body a good supply of oxygen. If you know the Ujjayi breath from yoga, give that a try. To bring on a stubborn orgasm, try intensifying your breathing patterns as if you're exercising hard.
- Connect mind and body. In general, engage your sensations with as much of your attention as possible. Planning or analyzing other things while you have sex is really unneccessary, and if you feel the need to worry about performance or desirability, just ignore it. If you'd like a meditation to connect your mind with your sexuality, lie on your back and place one hand on your forehead, the other on your yoni, and contemplate building the link between them.
- Love yourself. If you haven't already, realize that you are a beautiful, sensual, sexy woman who deserves the utmost of pleasure. Know your needs and make them known, since they are no more and no less important than your partner's.
- Love your partner. Many women are conditioned to be defensive and suspicious of men, and this certainly inhibits relaxation and release. Know that your partner means well and wants you to feel great, and if he doesn't, go find someone better.
- Love sex. Sex is a wonderful gift from whatever God you believe in, and there is nothing sinful or slutty about enjoying it to the fullest. Don't be afraid to cut loose in the bedroom: it's one place where subdued behaviour really isn't necessary.
- Have fun. Sex is play, not work, and you shouldn't take chasing orgasm too seriously. When you don't come, enjoy it to the fullest.



- Relax. Trying to fight off an orgasm just creates tension, and tension brings on orgasm. Stay calm and collected, and always breathe deeply and regularly through your nose; your breathing is key. When intensity arises, calmly observe rather than getting caught up, or better yet, calmly observe as you get caught up, and watch how your intensity passes on to her.
- Know thyself. Learn to recognize the signs of approaching orgasm, perhaps by observing yourself as you masturbate. When you sense orgasm approaching, take a few deep breaths, slow down, or if you have to, pull out and give her your hand or mouth.
- Wear a condom. This is a simple way to desensitize the penis; slip one on before penetration or manual stimulation.
- Have an empty bladder. Holding back urine creates tension in the pelvic floor muscles, and that tension will make you more orgasmic. It's best to visit the washroom inconspicuously before things get started.
- Bear down. Conversely, the muscles that force out urine create relaxation in the pelvic floor mucles, and that will make you less orgasmic.
- Massage the prostate. The prostate gland is where seminal fluid and sperm mix in preparation for ejaculation. The longer sex goes on, the fuller the prostate gets, and the greater the pressure to ejaculate becomes. You can relieve some pressure by placing two fingers on your perineum, just under your anus, and pressing inward and upward to massage. For an extra treat, teach your partner this massage and have her combine it with fellatio.
- Think it through. According to Herb Goldberg, premature ejaculation can be caused when your body and mind want to get sex over with as quickly as possible. It might seem like a silly question, but ask yourself if there's something about a particular partner, setting or act that you're not comfortable with. Impotence might also be your body's way to say that you're not physically and/or psychologically in a good state for whatever you're trying to do.
- Be cool. If you're like a virgin who's incredibly excited to be having sex, it's probably not going to last very long. If you look at sex like it's less of a big deal, you'll be less anxious, more relaxed, and able to last longer. If you're really anxious to please her, try to focus more on your own pleasure in order to relax.
- Meditate. If you're sensitive to subtle energy, you can take a cue from Tantra and learn to draw it upward from the genitals and spread it through the body. This is easiest to do when the body is completely relaxed, so you may wish to learn by having her massage or fellate your penis, or by using a vibrator on yourself, while you relax and focus on areas other than your loins where you'd like the energy to go. Yoga, Tai Chi and meditation are great places to start with energy, and the Microcosmic Orbit meditation described later is particularly relevant. If you know your yoga and you'd like to work on a chakra block, assume a yoga pose that targets that chakra and have your lover stimulate you; this will get a lot of energy flowing and tend to loosen the block.
- Do Kegels. Strengthening the front pelvic floor muscles will prolong and intensify your orgasms, and speed up your recovery after orgasm. Strengthening the rear PC muscles will allow you to massage the prostate with no hands, and in a more tantric sense, help you fire energy upwards along the spine. Kegels also make you more aware of your pelvic floor, where relaxation is absolutely key. I'd suggest checking in once in a while during day-to-day life to make sure your pelvic floor is relaxed; if it's not, relax it and endeavor to keep it that way.
- Change position. Having the woman on top will allow you to relax completely, and be fun for her as well. Another position that can quickly raise sexual energy is the yogic cobra pose, wherein you arch your back, tilt your head back, and look upward.
- Have fun. Sex is play, not work, and you shouldn't take avoiding orgasm too seriously. When you do come, enjoy it to the fullest.

Finishing Off.

For an intimate couple, cuddling naked and talking is a wonderful way to end a lovemaking session, and a whole lot of fun and healthy on its own. Ideally you'll have all day to spend in bed, talking, touching, and making love... and if not, you can go about your day or night refreshed, relaxed, and inspired by some decent or maybe amazing sex. Enjoy.